television slave

morning scene

2007-11-29T09:06:00.000-05:00

[Scene as we are getting ready this morning in the bathroom.]

HIM: Whenever you use the blow dryer I envision the baby inside you going "Help! it's that big windstorm again!" [While waving hands above his head.]

ME: That's what you envision when I use the blow dryer?

HIM: Yeah, isn't that cute?

ME: Uhh... Yeah... That's cute...

this is my garage right now.

2007-08-18T22:32:00.000-04:00

This weekend is the Grand Rapids Ghost Riders' annual rally. As you can imagine, this is a VERY BIG DEAL in our house. Joel has been busy hosting people, leading people, getting food, praying that it doesn't rain, and participating in other captainly duties. He IS the Grand Rapids chapter Captain after all.

Part of these duties include:
- being really flighty
- having little regard for other people who happen to be living in the house
- lowering standards of cleanliness in the house
- making the house smell like gasoline
- leaving moped grease stains in the sink
- leaving empty PBR cans on our front porch in full view of the neighbors
and also, apparently,
- filling my garage with mopeds.

Observe:

I'd also like to add that I did almost die while taking this picture. I took 5 pictures total, but at about the fourth picture I'm standing there in the dark alone in my driveway in the rain, focusing the camera when all of the sudden there is a person behind me. I inhaled in a most unflattering way with the most unflattering sound for about, let's say, approximately 5 whole minutes. After this the skinny little emo mopeder felt really bad, and apologized for being so quiet. But I just felt really stupid.

That's the moped rally so far. Only one more day. Only one more day... Only... one... more...

yes friends, it's true. it's all true!

2007-08-16T10:15:00.000-04:00

For the "iced grande americano, no water, extra ice, with room, 2 pumps white chocolate mocha" the oracle says:

The all-knowing Oracle of Starbucks

Behold the Oracle's wisdom:

Personality type: High Maintenance

You pride yourself on being assertive and direct; everyone else thinks you're bossy and arrogant. You're constantly running your mouth about topics that only you would find interesting. Your capacity for wasting other people's time is limitless. Your friends find you intolerable, that's why they're plotting to kill you.

Also drinks: Water. Bottled, chilled, with four ice cubes, a twist of lemon, in a crystal glass.
Can also be found at: Trendy martini bars

*********************************
http://www.buttafly.com/starbucks/index.php

reruns

2007-08-14T16:00:00.000-04:00

Remember that one when at first you think Chakotay is back on earth and he's taking pictures at Star Fleet Academy, but then he goes back to the shuttle and you find out that he and Tuvok and Paris and Harry are on a mission? And Tuvok and Chakotay have taken one of the aliens impersonating a human at the fake Star Fleet Academy? And the alien kills himself to avoid detection, but the doctor can morph his body back into it's orginal alien shape? And you're all like "What alien would want to infiltrate Star Fleet Academy and annihilate humans?" And then you find out it's Species 8472!?!?! Even AFTER they've already been sent back to their home in fluidic space?

That is, like, the BEST episode!

maybe it's because i'm not a parent

2007-08-10T10:22:00.000-04:00

Maybe that's why I find this funny. Parents fill out an information/contact sheet for their children when they "enroll" in the week of VBS. At the bottom of one such sheet detailing instructions for "Ally," 3 years old (verbatim):

*Ally needs _2_ helpers when going to the "potty"!!

for the fun of it?

2007-08-09T13:24:00.000-04:00

It's that time of year again. That time of year where I put on a happy face. I brave the hot unbearable weather. I wear stupid costumes. I participate in dramas with such bad dialog that you might gag. I eat themed snacks. I donate a week's worth of nights to babysit other people's kids. That's right - Vacation Bible School.

This year, for the first time, I am leading games with my husband. Which... probably won't EVER happen EVER AGAIN. Aside from that... things are going pretty well. But, as always, there are stories to tell. There are some weird kids out there, let me tell you! Names have been changed to protect the... well, not innocent exactly... um... names have been changed so that no one will ever know it was them... and that I was writing about them... on the internets...

Monday: Um, nothing very noteworthy happens.

Tuesday: One of the cute preschoolers from last year has moved up into the older group. She was one of my favorites! Though, I don't remember her name. We are playing a dodgeball-type game involving newspaper snowballs. If a member of the opposing team catches the snowball, the player who threw it is out. An older girl is taunting the preschooler. I hear the older girl saying "Holly, throw it here! Throw it here Holly, I'll get you out!" I come to Holly's defense, finally knowing her name - and using it more than once or twice. "Holly, don't throw it to her, just throw it somewhere else!" I feel good about what I have done.

On Wednesday I listen closer to older girl. She has a speech impediment. She can't say her "R"'s. I also find out that the preschooler's name is Harley. So, that is why they were both looking at me so weirdly on Tuesday...

Wednesday: Amy decides she doesn't want to draw sidewalk-chalk sheep because she DOESN'T KNOW HOW. YOU DO IT! Uhh. OK. that is totally a different rant. But finally, I get her to participate (albeit with me drawing the thing). She tells me what to draw, I ask for description, and then I draw it. I think I have finally put her at ease. We finish the project and I ask her for a celebratory high-five, offering my hand out to her. She ponders the hand for a split second, grabs it, and licks it across the palm. That was gross. Finally, this session is over...

Also, I am the angel Gabriel in a short drama during story time. The kids have seen me previously in the week during game time, but most play along and are attentive during the drama. At the end of the drama, the leader says something like "Thanks for coming and talking to us Gabriel! Goodbye!" The kids play along with shouts of "Bye Gabriel!" or "Bye angel!". One little snottypants goes: "Bye Liz."

For the rest of the night kids come up to me and cock their heads. It takes them a second, but they finally figure it out. "You were the angel!" Uhh. Yeah. Thanks for the news... Funny kids.

Who knows what Thursday will bring?

me and my brain

2007-08-01T13:30:00.000-04:00

I am pretty sure that my brain, for whatever reason, has ceased to exist. And even if it's not completely gone, it certainly has gone to limited power. Or maybe it's on vacation. I can't think. I get lost easily. I can't ever remember what I was doing. I can't keep up with anything. As you might imagine, this keeps me from getting a lot of stuff done. It's like an eternal brain fart.

What is the cure for an eternal brain fart? (Much as I HATE that term.) Is it vacation? Is it relaxation? I seem to be relaxed enough. I've had some busy days recently, but nothing compared to that last semester of college when I was working, a full time student, in the play, dating my future husband, and still maintaining my 3.8 GPA.

Did my brain go on sabbatical? Maybe it sent my body a "Dear John" letter. "Dear Body, I just wasn't that into you anymore. I think we need a little break. Maybe I'll come back. Then again, maybe I won't. Sincerely, Brain." What if my brain NEVER COMES BACK?

Oh Brain, I miss you! Please come back! Remember all the great times we had together? Writing papers, thinking of excuses, participating in discussions with other people? Remember how we used to plan things out and do them? Those were great times. Let's get back to those times ok? Wherever you are, whatever you're doing right now, you should know that it can be right again! It's not the same without you. Just come home. I'm waiting for you...

experiment #1

2007-07-26T10:35:00.000-04:00

This experiment was performed during the last week. The dates were not exact, but the time was sufficient to find solid and reliable results.

The subject of the experiment was my husband.

The experiment itself was fairly simple. The experiment was to ascertain the reaction of the subject in the normality of his day in accomplishment of a set, but unknown, task. The experiment aimed to answer two particular questions: Would the subject notice that the new toilet paper roll was not installed on the roller? In convergence of this thought, would he replace the empty roll with the roll currently being used?

The hypothesis stated a negative to both questions.

This experiment began by myself noticing that the toilet paper roll was empty, locating a new toilet paper roll, and placing new toilet paper roll on top of the empty toilet paper roller. From there, I observed the reactions of the subject of the experiment from a distance - usually after the fact. I observed that even days after the new toilet paper roll was placed on top of the empty toilet paper roller it remained un-replaced by the subject.

Observations also clearly showed that enough time had passed that the new toilet paper roll was now almost out of toilet paper. Soon, the new roll would fall through the empty toilet paper roller.

The experiment ended this morning when I told the subject of the experiment. Subject admitted that he was very lazy. Hypothesis confirmed. Subject replaced almost empty toilet paper roll onto toilet paper roller. It remains to be seen if experiment would be successful again. I hypothesize that experiment would show same results in two weeks as subject has very short memory.

Next experiment may include experimenter not replacing toilet paper roll at all but instead using hidden toilet paper and observing if subject even knows where toilet paper is stored in the house.

2007-07-23T09:50:00.001-04:00

Ok, so apparently, this post will have no title... appropriate really. But what I would have called it is:
Um. I can't remember now. I got distracted.
(That's not the title. I seriously did just get really distracted.)

******

Sometimes when I am walking down the stairway at my work I get horrible visions. I usually go up there to refill my water glass. I have a straw in there too. Anyone ever seen that movie Pure Luck with Martin Short? There is a scene in there that has been etched into my mind for all eternity. Basically, in the movie Martin Short plays this guy who has continual bad luck - like everything always goes wrong with him. In one scene he is at dinner with Danny Glover and he goes to drink from his straw and instead of getting the straw in his mouth, he accidentally puts the straw right up his nose. And then the blood comes. It is really gross. But it was also a warning to me about how dangerous straws could be. Seriously, ever think about what might happen if you got one in the eye? One wrong move toward your glass and you're blind in your right eye.

Anyway. That was the backstory. In my vision earlier today I was walking down the stairs with my cup and straw in hand, thinking about how if I tripped on these obscenely uncomfortable tippy shoes I could get a straw right in the eye. Or in the neck. Pretty gross. I gave thanks when I got to the bottom of the stairs.

******

I am currently wondering:
...when I will get the skin of my youth back. In high school I had no blemishes. Seems unfair to me that now that I am out of that period of my life is when my skin finally caves. Now it's all zitty. (Did you catch that pun?)

******

Oh boy!

I just opened my tootsie pop and I got a whole Indian shooting a star!

timeline

2007-05-03T13:48:00.000-04:00

8:20am Getting ready. Notice cat is sharpening claws on newly laundered pants laying on bed.
8:21am Yell at cat. Cat jumps off bed and runs just outside of bedroom door. Cat hocks enormous amount of food onto floor.
8:22am Yell at cat to stop eating own hock. Cat runs downstairs. Silently curse cat. Decide to clean up hock in a minute as am almost finished getting ready anyway.
8:23-8:26am Finish getting ready.
8:27am Walk past hock; notice other cat EATING first cat's hock.
8:27:30am Wonder to self why we even have cats.
8:28am Finally clean up half eaten cat hock.
8:32am Decide to share disgusting story on the internet.

[time passes]

1:45pm Share disgusting cat hock story on the internet.
1:48pm Press 'Publish' button and congratulate self for updating blog.

Heh.

not appreciated

2007-04-17T12:24:00.000-04:00

Our attic is a nice room. It's bright and sunny - and well decorated if you ask me. The bathroom isn't quite up to par, but it's got some great windows and a nice (cheap-ass) shaggy rug. And for some unexplained reason our cats would spend their every waking minute up there if they could. I really don't get it. It's a nice room, like I said, but seriously, they CAN'T. GET. ENOUGH. OF. IT!

Yesterday Joel brought a guest up to see the progress we've been making up there. Usually this involves showing the guest up the stairs while the cats hear the door open from anywhere in the freaking house and RUN up there as fast as their little legs will carry them. Then when you're done, you shoo the cats downstairs, sometimes avoiding teeth and claws.

Pseudo, our 14lb muscle cat is normally pretty quiet. He'd prefer to just nuzzle you to knock you over with love. But when he wants something? He will NOT shut up about it. This morning he decided he wanted to go back up to the attic. So he stood at the attic door about 15 minutes before we were about to wake up and WHINED and WHINED and WHINED AND WHINED (etc.). It's a great room. But THAT great? Interrupt my sleep and risk death by tired owner great?

Ugh. Stupid cat.

brought back

2007-03-30T12:30:00.000-04:00

We teach a one room Sunday School (so, all ages are included) at our church on Sunday mornings after the service. There are usually only 6 or 7 kids, so it's not a big group and when an extra one shows up it is kind of a big deal. Sunday, I think it was an even bigger deal - at least for me.

Sunday, one of our regular students brought in a friend, (let's call her) Jane. I vaguely recognized Jane from sight, but when I heard her name I instantly also remembered her.

Student: Mrs. Leo, this is Jane
Me: Oh, (pause) I remember you! I used to babysit for you!
Jane: Oh, really?
Me: Yeah, your mom used to go to this church right?
Jane: Yes.
Me: Um, cool, yeah, I know you.

It was pretty awkward. Mostly though, because I was babysitting her when I found out my grandma died. And I never really saw them again.

I remember that I had already put the kids (she has a little brother) to bed. I was sitting in their open, light-filled ground level room and the light was just starting to disappear. The phone rang. I didn't have a cell phone then, so it must have been their home phone. It was my dad, barely holding back tears. He just came out with it: grandma had died, I needed to find my way home.

The thing is, my grandma was perfectly healthy. We were to have visited her the night before, but we had 'more important' plans. The news was shocking, and I couldn't get my mind around it. I'm not sure if I gave my dad the parents' cell phone number to call or I did it myself, but they came home as soon as they could. I got in my car and began to cry, or sob actually.

The drive from Rockford to Grand Haven, usually about 45 minutes, was the longest I have ever taken. When I got to my grandma's house I found most of my local relatives and the pastor sitting in the living room - more silent than that house had ever been.

All of those memories came back to me in that slight pause when I saw Jane again. I didn't even know how to deal with them. I must have come off to her like a complete weirdo. But she did offer me, completely unintentionally, the opportunity to remember an important event that helped shape my life.

a smattering of thoughts on popular culture

2007-03-29T10:40:00.000-04:00

(in no particular order)

1. I do not really like Beyonce'. and If I have to listen to that stupid piece of crap song 'Irreplaceable' just ONE more time, I will not be responsible for my actions. Really, I don't even KNOW any other Beyonce' songs, but she just bothers me. A lot.

2. Despite his horrendous hair, Sanjaya CAN sing. Sorry. It's true. I don't vote for him (so, put down those pitchforks and torches...) but remember his audition? That Stevie Wonder song he sang was awesome - he had amazing control. I just think he's too young to be in the competition. So, say what you want about Sanjaya's weird hair, clothing choice, hula skills, mannerisms, etc. You can hate him all you want for those. But honestly? He can sing. Antonella? No. Alaina? No. Season 3's Jasmine Trias who made it to the final three because Hawaii had, like, no one clogging the phone lines? No way. (Did you even WATCH season 3!?) And where was the hate for them? (See Sanjaya? Just fool Hawaii into voting for you and you will stay on a VERY long time.)

3. Kiefer Sutherland? You are so hot.

4. Nikki and Paolo, you are complete idiots. Seriously, what is 8 million dollar's worth of diamonds going to help on a deserted island? Although, it's not like there was much else to do than look for them. Go Karma!

friends

2007-03-28T09:36:00.000-04:00

You know, I have some great internet friends. For example, I went into my email this morning and found that my friends were really looking out for me. For instance, this one from Angie & Horace. They want to know "Did Jeffrey buy from this site?" I sure hope not, he hasn't been allowed on the computer since the 'amazon incident.' Now I can check my records to make sure he hasn't done any harm.

Or take a look at this one from Milo Johnathon Bryant. He writes in the subject line "Lucinda wants you to check out this store." Thanks for passing on the message Milo! Lucinda ALWAYS knows where the best buys are!

Cobb Keri (love her!) wrote too! She asks 'Did Keven get this info?' I wonder if she means the info that his name is spelled totally stupidly. Because yes, I told him that yesterday.

Fred and Sherryl are my hook-up. They are also my coolest, most hip friends. They wrote 'Here is the site where I bought the pillz. I have been looking for this site EVERYWHERE! They are so cool.

My good friend Dale Horn wants to give me the hook-up too. 'I guess Randy likes this shop?' Well, Randy is a tool. So, I don't really care. But thanks for the tip!

Seriously, why would my Google filter place all these good friends in my spam box?

But all in all, it's great to know that when the world lets me down, I can always depend on my internet friends looking out for me.

quote

2007-03-20T15:37:00.000-04:00

In the bathroom this morning getting ready to leave. Joel to Trouble, the cat.

"(As to a little baby) Truuuuuuble. Ok, make sure you don't sleep too much today. I love you. Be a good little kitty today. Byeeee....

[pause]

Bye Liz."

Kind of cute. But also kind of weird.

little lies i like to tell myself

2007-03-01T19:34:00.000-05:00

Computer card games keep my mind sharp, so it's not wasting time to play these games PLENTY often. In fact, it is GOOD FOR ME.

eww - american idol edition

2007-02-23T09:42:00.000-05:00

Can I just say it is so gross that Antonella 'Barbie' and Alaina Whatsherface are still on American Idol? They both SUCKED! It is this kind of thing that makes me sick about American Idol - just like Jasmine Trias. Just writing that name gave me the chills. Hawaii? You better not be messing up this year too.

i have found (and am eating) the PERFECT food.

2007-02-19T13:28:00.001-05:00

Last night, after having cravings for it for weeks, I finally made my most favoritest food in the whole wide world: corn and black bean salsa. Oh man. That stuff is SO GOOD. Usually, I make an entire batch and eat it all by myself. I am not kidding. And I eat it PLAIN. I don't need no stinkin' tortilla chips for this stuff - it is perfect just the way it is! As I sat there eating it last night my husband had to keep telling me to calm down. And yes, he does know how much I love that stuff. And yes, I did say that already. And yes, he knows I love it. And yes, he knows it is really good plain. Yes, it's probably good with chips too. And you don't need anymore. And yes it is really delicious. And yes, it is pretty cool that you could make it tonight. And yes, he knows it's REALLY good. AND FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING GOOD STOP TALKING ABOUT THE CORN SALSA!

But when one stumbles upon food perfection, one should share one's recipe. And one will try not to force others to try said recipe. But one will REALLY recommend this recipe. Oh, will one. So without further ado, here is one's, I mean, my favorite recipe.

black bean and corn salsa

1 medium to large green pepper (diced fine - about corn niblet sized)
1 medium to large red pepper (you can really use any colored pepper you want (even two green peppers - but i like the color variation) (also diced fine)
about 1/4 of a small red onion (diced fine) (add more or less to taste)
about a 1/4 cup of fresh chopped cilantro (more or less to taste)
1 can (14oz?) black beans - drained and rinsed
1 can (14oz?) corn niblets - drained
the juice of 1 freshly squeezed lime (for best taste) (you can also use about two tablespoons reallime lime juice)
generous sprinkling of kosher salt - to taste

put diced peppers, onion, and cilantro into mixing bowl. add black beans and corn. mix. add lime juice and salt to taste. (see? super simple!!)

usually the tastes mix a bit better after the mixture sits in the fridge for about an hour - but i can never wait that long. serve cold by itself as a salad, on a salad, or on tortilla chips!

Ah. So beautiful.

these are my wishes

2007-02-06T15:14:00.000-05:00

You know what would be really awesome? Zero calorie, zero fat Doritos. Or ZCZF oreos, snickers, starbucks, and maybe just for good measure.....everything else.

If I were a scientist, I might devote my life to the pursuit of this worthy goal. But alas, I am not. I only sit here and dream about food. Food I cannot have. Food I shouldn't have.

It is so unfair to be trying to lose weight - and with no instruction and so much yummy food in the world. Why can't my metabolism be what it was only a few years ago?

Seriously, though. ZERO calorie and ZERO fat Doritos? Right up there with space exploration, I say. Here's to dreaming!

currently....

2007-02-05T11:22:00.001-05:00

BLOGGER SUCKS!

and I hate it.

Top of the muffin to you!

2007-01-30T09:08:00.000-05:00

OH NO! I have a teeny tiny little muffin top today! Eww! Woe is me! Stupid jeans!

zip zap ... zop?

2007-01-25T10:48:00.000-05:00

So, as you may have gleaned from a previous post, I am weaning off my anti-depressant. I've been completely off of it now for only a few days. This morning I woke up and got ready like normal - but felt REALLY weird. Like, everything i do, seems kind of like someone else is doing it. And I may be experiencing these. Although, the symptoms don't sound QUITE right, there is definitely SOMETHING off-kilter in my head. Like, when I move, there is a surge that goes through my whole body. Not exactly "electric" feeling or "zap-like," but more like .... umm ... definitely unexplainable. But I guess I'll never know since "they defy description for anyone who has not experienced them." So, yeah.

It's a little scary. But at the same time, kind of cool.

it's totally true...

2007-01-24T17:43:00.000-05:00

you said it signbot!

marriage tip #14

2007-01-22T22:58:00.000-05:00

Do not say this to your PMSing wife while she is weaning off her anti-depressants:

"Why can't you be like a normal wife; and when I say I want you to make me a sandwich, you just say: 'oh, he must really want a sandwich, I'll go make him a sandwich' and then go make me a sandwich?"

little things i can't stand

2007-01-19T13:22:00.000-05:00

You know what I really can't stand?

Before I got engaged (and subsequently married) i never really wore rings. In high school I wore some occasionally, but nothing really consistently. I have been married for one and a half years now and I still hate wearing these rings - not because of what they stand for, obviously, but because they are so darn uncomfortable! And one of the main reasons they are so uncomfortable is that they are just kind of a trap around my finger! (What an appropriate feeling huh?) Normally, when I wash my hands I dry them thoroughly, dragging the paper towel down into each little finger-pit until there is no, or very little moisture left. But, under the rings! There is an elusive spot to dry! Every time I wash my hands and dry them, a few minutes later I have to pull my rings out of the way and work to dry there. It is SO annoying!

That is what I really can't stand!

addendum

2007-01-05T21:59:00.000-05:00

...except Friday nights...

dry as a bone....

2007-01-04T14:12:00.000-05:00

So, in honor of 'Leozinga' new years, a fun time had by all, and the excesses that manifested themselves... I think I will try a little something different. I think I'll spend the month of January dry. That is, as in no alcohol. So, no wine, no beloved vodka cranberry ginger ales, no long island iced teas or summery mohitos etc.

It's not that I overindulged to a terrible extent, but I can feel my body slugging away begging for health! I think my body just needs a break from poisons. Technically it needs a break from large amounts of fat and calories too, but I suck at controlling things like that. Alcohol though, I can control. And so, those empty calories will not be entering my body.

It will be hard I think, but not impossible. There is something different about not being ABLE to drink (because of something like allergy or pregnancy) versus CHOOSING to not drink.

That's my January goal. And now that I've written it, it will be much harder to maintain (with people knowing and all...). So, wish me luck. And, hopefully, I'll see you on the other side!

Ha ha.

2006-12-15T11:26:00.000-05:00

I believe I just heard on the Diane Rehm show from one of the experts that, based on a recent poll of the American people, you have a better chance of being elected President in the coming election if you are homosexual than if you were a member of Bush's Cabinet of Advisors. That makes me laugh.

i may well not make it...

2006-12-14T13:15:00.001-05:00

Monday night I felt the beginnings of a cold. You know how you kind of feel the urge to cough and then there is that, well, kind of taste of a cough? When I get dry coughs like this my back also starts to itch. Right in the middle where I can't reach it without contorting my whole body. (And contort my whole body I MUST because those itches MUST be scratched or they will drive me insane!) So, Monday night, dry coughy tasting coughs with itchy back. But it was pretty subtle, so I suspected I had just had a bit of a light cold.

Ahh, how fond my memory of that night is...

Tuesday I got up and went to work as normal. But I could practically FEEL the energy draining out of my body. I had a project at work to finish and decided that I would finish that up and then spend the rest of the day at home sleeping and relaxing this slight cold off. Ha ha. How naive I was. This Sunday I am heavily involved in our church's candlelight service as a reader, and also as a soloist. And this isn't any ordinary solo. This one is a special arrangement of 'Mary Did You Know' written and arranged ESPECIALLY for my voice and a solo cello. So, while also wanting to avoid sickness, I also wanted to be able to read and sing without sounding like a snot bag.

Back to Tuesday. Tuesday at around noon I head home to the well wishes of my gracious coworkers. I lay on the couch the rest of the day deleting old stored shows on the Tivo and watching like a hundred 'Baby Story' type shows. Joel graciously volunteers to go get chinese food for dinner and we watch tv all night. I take our second to last dose of NyQuil and retire at an early hour. That night I decide I would probably rather die than live in the pain I am experiencing. I think to myself "I am probably not going to work tomorrow."

Oh how right I am. Wednesday morning I roll over and look at the clock and decide that work is NOT in the cards. My whole body aches. The pajamas I am wearing scratch my skin. I am cold, but sweating. My throat is swollen and I feel like utter crap. I wake up at 10am, fire an email to work and decide that I might at least feel a bit more comfortable after a nice shower and some clean clothes. Accomplish those tasks. Find some bootleg sudafed - the kind you can get in front of the counter - after searching for what seems like years for a way to get rid of the PAIN. I decide that a day in - even if sick - should not be wasted. I wash all the clothes and towels over the NUMEROUS hours I am at home alone. Joel brings my requested chicken soup and gatorade for lunch. I spend many hours in front of the tv. At night Joel and I fight. A really shitty fight too. I am under the influence of our FINAL DOSE OF NYQUIL.

I cough ALL NIGHT. I do not understand how Joel sleeps. When I wake up, I again pray for death to take me quickly. I am a sucky sick person. I do not roll out of bed when the alarm rings. Instead I hit it and roll over. In the morning, my sickness is taking over my WHOLE body. Still achy, itchy, throat swollen. But now my throat is also scratchy and dry. I want to pour hot liquid down it to burn it. I don't know why this occurs to me and seems like a good idea. Luckily, I resist the urge because I know it is a stupid idea. I decide that there is no way in the world I will last another day with this terrible anguish and I must venture outside the house for the first time in days to get medication. Before I can do that though, I need to take a shower. It made me feel a lot better yesterday. Here is the point where my day got really shitty. How could my sickness/day get shittier?

Go ahead, take a minute to think it over. (Jeopardy theme...)

If you guessed "Liz got her period two weeks early" you got it right and you are the winner of the gold star for today. Though I use the Diva, this is still REALLY ANNOYING and NOT HELPING. So, cleaned, breakfasted and armed with a debit card, I venture out to CVS for drugs, Blockbuster for three movies, and D&W for gatorade and soup for lunch. I tell my well-meaning organized brain to stuff it when it suggests that I get stuff done today. I am sitting my butt on the couch and possibly not moving 'til tonight.

So, here I sit at 1 pm sharing my story and whining to the internet instead of my husband, who doesn't have patience for whining anyway. Hopefully I'll make it 'til tomorrow alive. I am thinking about heavy sedation until the sickness wears off though. Anyone have any suggestions? If you need me, I'll be lying on the couch drinking airborne, sucking down Hall's with medicated centers, and consuming vitamin water until I explode.

why i like to be out of town on thanksgiving

2006-11-21T16:14:00.000-05:00

Every year on thanksgiving, my family dresses up as pilgrims. There's a story to it, of course, but that doesn't make it any more acceptable. Suffice it to say that every year more and more people from the church (usually people of the nerdier persuasion) wear the black and white costumes. This has been happening for 4-5 years now.

The first year, I got lucky - I wasn't there. But since then, I do my duty and wear that infernal dress, apron, bonnet and collar piece. And braid my hair in double braids..... I am such a dork.

Even boyfriends (and my husband) have been sucked into this sick tradition. Heck, my brother-in-law wore a pilgrim costume last year and made a video out of it. Everyone thinks this tradition is SO COOL. Except me. I hate it. I loathe it. Now, I'm not above wearing 'different' clothes, or celebrating etc... But pilgrim costumes? No thanks.

My mom makes all the costumes from a pattern she has made herself. Every dress, collar piece, bonnet, apron and other stupid accoutrement has lovingly been made by her own hand.

The problem is that when I tell my mom I really don't want to do it (I mean, I'm 25, she doesn't really have a say about what I do) , she gives me this ...... look. Kind of like "Why would you break my heart like that?" mixed with "How did I ever give birth to YOU?" mixed with "You will shut up and wear this costume" mixed, finally, with "If you don't wear this costume I will have a mental breakdown and you will bear the brunt of it." And inevitably, I am shamed into wearing the dreaded garb - if only to stave off my mother's depression and disappointment in me for just one more year.

It actually kind of makes me hate thanksgiving.....

PS. That picture is my dorky husband. And probably the back end of my mom.

the things that really count

2006-11-08T09:32:00.000-05:00

Previously; after the baby shower on Saturday:

Aunt C.: "Would you like the rest of this punch?"
Me: "Sure. Here's a pitcher, you can just throw it in the fridge."

Last night, as we were preparing to sit down to watch Law & Order reruns:

Husband (pulling out a large pitcher of punch from the fridge): "What's this?"
Me: "Oh, Aunt C. left that for us. It's the leftover punch from the baby shower."
BEAT
Husband: "This is just begging to be mixed with alcohol!"

even in this day and age

2006-10-30T09:10:00.000-05:00

Can you believe that with all the health scares, and all the health facts available, with all the knowledge we have about how germs work and how they spread, there are still people who enter the movie theatre bathroom, use the facilities and then walk out of the bathroom WITHOUT WASHING THEIR HANDS?

SICK.

2006-10-18T17:24:00.000-04:00

here is my new piercing. hopefully you can see it!

eww. that's like, on your face....

2006-10-18T12:23:00.000-04:00

So, it's been a while. Probably since about January 20(ish) 2005? But I've finally taken the plunge. I got another piercing.

Last week sometime, my sister IM'd me and invited me to go with her and her roommate to get 'bonding piercings.' (No, old ladies, that is not some sick sort of dirty piercing, it just means they will each get pierced at the same time, well, not at EXACTLY the same time, it just means a trip to the piercer for different piercings to each have a memory together or something....ok, too much explaining...) To make a long story short, they asked if I would go with. Well, I kind of wanted to go too.

I have four total piercings on my left ear, and only two on my right. So, clearly, I am unbalanced (in more than just the mental sense). So, I decided to get my tragus done. And actually, with Joel's encouragement and blessing! The tragus, for those of you unfamiliar with ear part names, is the fleshy cartilage bump between your face and your ear.

The piercing itself was kind of painful, but not nearly as painful or uncomfortable as my nose stud. And the piercer was pretty quick about it.

All in all, I think this is definitely my best piercing. Although it did bleed on the first day, and a tiny bit the night after, the tragus is easy to avoid bumping, and it looks really cool too. And it only hurts when I wink or squinch my eyes. If I had the pictures, and could put them up here, I would. Maybe I'll do it later.

My dad was kind of grossed out. My mom, I think, was secretly jealous. And one of my sisters uttered the gem that is the title of this post.

So that was part of my Friday night. And I am now a little more balanced. Well, outside my head anyway...

i may be more cultured than you

2006-09-09T14:29:00.000-04:00

This morning, doing the newspaper crossword puzzle, I successfully filled in clues concerning Charles Dickens' 19th century novel "Great Expectations" and the movie "Star Trek II" within 30 seconds.

That is all.

PS. The answers were "Pip" and "Khan."

two letters: "starbucks is not your babysitter" and "a letter to my body"

2006-08-31T09:28:00.000-04:00

Dear Horseface (and the eight little girls you were towing along with you),

Please be aware that Starbucks is a BUSINESS. It is not, as you may think, your personal babysitter. When your six kids hot chocolates come up, please go get them so that they do not block the bar from more important drinks - like my iced grande americano with no water, extra ice and three pumps of white chocolate mocha.

Please do not interrupt the two baristas trying deperately to keep up with other people's orders with your stupid and annoying requests and dumb-ass questions.

Please do not let your children each grab four little espresso to-go cups to put over their hands like mittens and then try to carry their drinks with their hands like that. They will spill them and you will have to go interrupt the baristas YET AGAIN for a towel.

Please tell your children not to grab mountains of pastry samples.

Also, please tell your children to get out of my way while I am trying to order. I should not have to shout my order to the barista over four little blond curly heads.

In conclusion, I hope I NEVER see you at Starbucks again.

Love,
Liz

************************************

Dear period,

Go to hell.

Liz

PS, you can take these cramps, back pains, and pissy mood with you.

40 years is a long time

2006-08-30T11:46:00.000-04:00

Recently, I have been reading a feature on the online magazine Slate called "Blogging the Bible." Basically, a writer (who happens to be Jewish) is reading the Bible from beginning to end. He started a few months ago with the book of Genesis. He reads a few chapters and then writes a summary of what he has read - usually chapter by chapter.

It's interesting because it's a different perspective than I'm used to (He's Jewish, I'm Christian Reformed.) I also get to kind of read it along with him, and experience stories I may have forgotten about etc... So, today I was reading the second Deuteronomy entry. It's about one of Moses' final speeches to the Israelites - making an argument to the Israelites about God.

And I got to thinking about wandering the desert for 40 years. 40 years is a long time! It's longer than my lifetime at this moment. In fact, I still have 15 more years to go before I'm 40. And even more than that if you count just the years where I am "aware" of myself!

Sometimes I feel old already. Like, I should have done more with my life by now, or that I am behind where I "should" be. But then I think about things like this, or hear about someone doing something when they are much older than I, and I know how ridiculous I am being.

Oh well, that was kind of scatterbrained, but I'm also listening to a batch of devotionals and I suck at listening and working at the same time. I can NOT listen to music when I work or anything. So, as an end to this...40 years is a long time!

do i look like someone's old aunt gertrude?

2006-08-22T15:41:00.000-04:00

Well, I do now. Thanks young hip hairstyling girl with spikey hair, for not doing the style ANYTHING like I said and instead making me look like some matronly aunt.

learning about anemia

2006-08-04T10:54:00.000-04:00

I am writing a program about anemia. Today, I came across this little tidbit of information. Enjoy.

"In what can only be described as a disgusting experiment, Castle ate red meat, made himself vomit, and then had patients eat it. But it worked -- his regurgitated stomach contents were as effective as liver. The stomach, he decided, normally contains an "intrinsic factor" that together with an "extrinsic factor" in meat is necessary for red blood cell formation."

Yummy.

buffet: fill your plate with the goodness!

2006-08-03T08:50:00.000-04:00

people who are pissing me off today
People who drive 30 mph in a 35 mph zone, then slow down right before the street I need to turn down, but don't turn.
People who park like idiots.
People who start a job (like emptying the trash) and then do not finish it (like replacing the bag in the trash can).

how many mopeds does my dear husband own now?
4. That's right. He bought another one. But it was only fifty bucks! We do not even have room for these mopeds. Anyone need a moped?

VBS
So, this week I am leading the preschoolers at Vacation Bible School. Let me tell you, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I look at Last Week Me and cry for her future. Don't get me wrong. The kids are SO cute. Seriously. But they also are seriously NUTS.

First of all, I am not trained in any way to be any sort of teacher. I am a performer, but that only takes me so far. So, I have a loud voice, I guess is what I am trying to say. So, I am effective at TALKING to the kids, but not so much at wrangling them. Yes, I used the word WRANGLING. Because that is what you do with them. You do nto gather them, you WRANGLE them.

monday
This day was not so good. The heat was UNBEARABLE outside. But, luckily, we only had to endure this a few times, as preschoolers meet in the (mostly) cool basement. I had 8 kids and 3 helpers (one of which, herself, was almost unbearable...). I was pretty disorganized, but the kids were good. The most fun thing was that we started our own VBS tradition. When we are really antsy we get our wiggles out. We all stand up and do our assigned interpretive dance for the day. (Really) Then, just for good measure we shake our whole selves and get our wiggles out. Then I ask if everyone has their wiggles out yet. One (or all) kid(s) says "NOOOOOO" and then I say "Okay, ONE more time! let's get ALL our wiggles out!" And then we jump and wriggle around for another little bit. The kids LOVE this and we do it now, like, twice a day.

tuesday
This day went fantastically. I was super organized this time. I had spent about 2 hours preparing some sort of "lesson plan." The kids followed my directions and loved the story about David. They followed all of the directions. The weather was also hot as HELL this day.

wednesday
Another hot day. I should have known too that twisting my ankle (before VBS even STARTED) today was a bad omen. The window A/C unit in the basement was NOT ON. The basement was cooler than outside, but when the weather is approaching 100 and you are trying to be energetic and wrangle 10 little sweaty kids around VBS, that is not very comforting. I had sweat DRIPPING down my face. I CANNOT handle the heat AT ALL. Our first "station" today was games. But when we got there, another group showed up. So, we instead went downstairs to do our thing. Unfortunately, this was not in my plan, but I dealt with it. Things went pretty well until snack. That is where everything REALLY WENT WRONG.

Lydia didn't want to make a cookie. But, OK she would make one for her mommy.
Zachary had to go potty. "OK, Mr. Joel, will you take Zachary to the potty?" (ps, I HATE the word "potty") "Mr. Joel, why are you turning bright red?"
"Wait, where did five of the preschoolers go?"
"OK, Noah, you have to go potty too?"
"Molly, don't move! I'll get you some more lemonade."
"Oh my gosh, there is frosting EVERYWHERE."
"Someone needs to take these kids to wash up."
"Umm, ok, all the other groups have left now, snack time is over. Oh my gosh, no one is done eating their cookie yet..."

Finally, we get inside. We sit on our rug.

"Yes?"
"I have to go potty."
"Ok, Mrs. Starr, will you take her to go potty"
Six more little voices and hands go up
"I have to go potty too!" "Me too" "Me too!!" "I have to go potty!"
(Some unheard force encourages the preschoolers to SPREAD)
Inside Monologue: "Why? WHY????? What did I do to deserve this? Two more days. Two more days. I am never leading the preschoolers again. I am not a masochist."
"Ok, two people at a time will go to the potty. Zachary and Molly will you come back to the rug? Ok, every body sit down. Ok, everybody, (blah blah blah lesson talk)"
"Ok, you can go to the potty now."
"I have to go potty again!"
"I am starting the story whether everyone is back from the potty or NOT!"
I start the story...
"There's a bug!!!!"
Lydia gets up and assessess the bug. She decides that her shoe will more than take care of the problem.
calmly: "I'll get it." STOMP. GRIND.
"Uhhh. Thanks Lydia. Good Job, now please sit down."

After the story we pretty much did one little craft and then got our wiggles out, each time wrangling more and more kids b/c everyone would not stay together. I am a complete FAILURE as a preschool teacher. We all end up with scepters made out of pipecleaners, bells, and craft sticks held together with blue painter's tape. HA. Mr. Joel leads the kids jumping through hula hoops and walking around with giant steps, baby steps, spinny steps, and scooting steps. All our butts get dirty.

I am so glad to see them all go home. Two more days. Two more days....

i am a really busy person
I have had the SHORTEST months in history this summer. I am so busy. It was our 1st anniversay a week or two ago, so that weekend was shot. Our house is a disaster area. Last weekend we went to IKEA. We spent a crap load of money and outfitted our back sun porch. Unfortunatly, the weather has been so unbearable that we haven't been able to enjoy it. We take people out there to admire our decorating prowess and warn them before they go out there. "OK, this is what we bought, look at it through the window first. No, trust me, it's REALLY hot out there. Ok, now, I'll open the door, and we'll all go in for just a second and then we 'll come back inside..."

Last Sunday I had my mini break-down because I am going insane with NO relaxation. Our dishes are piling up, and there is no where to put them anymore. Thanks to my wonderful husband who cleans those up! (Hi honey!) And all my clothes (especially those I wear to VBS) are soaked and sweaty. Eww. So, I have to do laundry all the time...

Between now and next week Wednesday I have to drive up and down to Chicago and pack for being gone. I leave next Wednesday for the UK. Ugh. I can't wait for August 20. That is the day after I get back. That day I will sit on my butt. And I will not be moved. And I will watch TV. And I will eat ribs or ice cream or goat cheese and tomato spread or some such wonderful thing. And I WILL NOT BE MOVED.

That's it.

that is why i married him

2006-07-27T08:56:00.000-04:00

He says to me this morning:

"If you were to kiss me right now, it would be like kissing a skunk's ass."

Seriously, is there anything more romantic?

why won't you let me buy anything?

2006-07-18T10:17:00.000-04:00

Last night I went to the mall prepared to buy as many new cute tank tops as I could get my grubby little hands on. At about 7:30 I set out from my house, giving me about an hour and a half. I was not going to be picky. I was not going to haggle with myself over price. I was not going to look at something I found interesting and then put it back because it was too expensive. I was going to SHOP.

Unfortunately, it didn't work out as I had hoped. In fact, it didn't work out at all. See, I have a pretty tiny waist. But I am by no means skinny. I also have a huge ass. Big Dutch Butt or some such thing. So, tiny waist, big fat ass. So, I have a very curvy, womanly figure. Apparantly, no one else has a figure like this. They don't design clothes for it. The style right now is long skinny tank tops. SCREW long skinny tank tops. They are supposed to follow the curve of your body from top to mid thigh. Guess whose tiny waist and fat ass do not fit into tank tops like these? That's right. Mine.

Argh. No one carries regular tank tops, or in fact, any cute tank tops of any size. So I came home from willing to spend as much money as needed, to spending nothing. Ugh. I hate clothes shopping right now. But I did get a pair of flip flops. Off the internet, when I got home. So there.

the scene of carnage

2006-07-14T08:50:00.000-04:00

Just as a disclaimer: We are not dirty people. I promise.

Last night before I went to bed, I happened to be in the kitchen. My eyes happened upon the candy jar - once full of skittles, now holding only about 10. The decrease in skittle number, however, was not what was disturbing to me. Instead, the cause for concern was the moving black blanket that covered every candy in the jar. Ants. Teeny tiny ants. All over the skittles. It was pretty gross. But grosser still were: 1) the lid was on the jar. Umm, how did they get in there? Magic? Transporters? My best guess is that my dear husband did not replace the lid tight enough, thus allowing airholes, and ant entrances. 2) the ants had not confined themselves to only the skittles jar. They were also all over the shelves around the skittles jar, and forming a military line from behind the fridge to said shelves and skittles jar. 3) they were also crawling all around my cats' food. Poor cats, at least they could get some... extra protein?

So, what did I do when I saw this disturbing sight? What any red-blooded, tired, hard-working wife would do. I called my husband and told him to "come look at this." (You see, if I just tell him to come look, it doesn't sound like I'm passing the job off on him. Heh.) So, he came downstairs and actually kind of started freaking out. He does that sometimes. After a bit of discussion about what to do, I kind of got annoyed with his weird ideas, and rather than fight to say my opinion, I just went to bed. He, however, though already having been in bed when I called him, stayed downstairs to obsessively and compulsively track the ants to their entrypoint. We have had ants like this before and got rid of them fairly quickly with some ant traps (They kill the queen where she lives!). Said ant traps are even still sitting in the kitchen... So, long story short, he moved the ant traps to the ant entrypoints as best he could, then finally came to bed.

This morning I went down for breakfast and saw the carnage that was the ants. To be sure, they were not all gone, but a good number lay motionless around the shelf (I keep my food there - shudder). The best part though, was the remains of the feast they had enjoyed shortly before their deaths. The ant traps we use are little plastic dome looking things. Inside, they have a supply of ant food. The food actually contains poison. They bring the poison back to their nest and kill the queen and others in the colony. Well, those ants were busy little guys. There was a fine dusting of reddish brown ant food spread at least an inch on any side of the trap. Just beyond this dusting, lay the carcasses of about 20-30 ants. It was kind of gross. But also kind of cool.

So, tonight we get to come back home to the carnage, and hopefully a few less ants. I hope we've left a warning to them though. Ants had better not mess with us. In fact, maybe we should take a picture and post it by their ant hole as a warning. Just to make sure they don't bother us again. Stupid ants.

so....when?

2006-07-10T16:23:00.000-04:00

I have a question. When is it appropriate, if ever, to admit that you have been listening in on a phone conversation to which you have not been invited?

Right now I am listening to my coworker rattle off to her husband on the other end of the line, a list of groceries she needs him to pick up. Well, one of the things she listed was a bag of shredded cheddar cheese. And she said "and I need two cups of that, so make sure you pick up two bags." The thing is, a normal bag of shredded cheese (any flavor) comes standard in a two cup sized bag. So, really she would only need to buy one. Although, sometimes, they come in a three cup sized bag, they never really come in a 1 cup sized bag. Anyway, so I wanted to lean over and tell her that he really only needed to pick up one bag, not two. But then the jig would be up; I would be exposed for the listening tom (?) I am....

I am kind of pathetic.

christmas in july

2006-07-05T09:42:00.000-04:00

I kind of hate the fourth of July.

Don't get me wrong, I love the vacation time. And since, my place of employment is so generous, I also got Monday off. So, that was a nice four day weekend. But, the part that really annoys me about the holiday is the fireworks.

I've never really enjoyed fireworks. My mom loves to tell stories about how my younger sister (almost exactly one year younger) used to LOVE to watch the fireworks and hear the loud pops and whistles, while I would hide my head in my mom or dad's shoulder and scream and cry until we could go home. They were scary.

Every year the whole family would travel to grandma's house in Grand Haven, MI, walk downtown, and watch the fireworks with extended family. Except me. I would stay home with grandma and watch the fireworks on TV. I could hear them coming from downtown, while comfortably inside the house, and see them on TV. They didn't seem that special to me. I would rather stay home and help my grandma do dishes than trek a mile or whatever to sit on damp grass, get bitten by bugs, and blow my ears out, just to watch some trash blow up in the sky.

I'm no longer scared of fireworks. But I do kind of consider myself the Scrooge of the fourth of July. Fireworks? Bah. Humbug! Every year stupid kids let off fireworks a few days before, and a few days after the holiday. They obviously wait until midnight, when I am sleeping, and they let off the skyward ones. (Illegally.) Stupid kids.

Last night, on the fourth, we sat in my house in Eastown and listened to the fireworks from Downtown and Cascade compete with each other. Trouble was a little shook up when they started, looking to us, pleading with us, to make it stop. But when the bottle rockets went off next door he had had enough. Trouble jumped off the cabinet and made a beeline to the stairs, skidding on the second step as he ran to safety (we guessed he ran to hide under our bed). It was funny and sad at the same time. Stupid fireworks. Scaring my cat. Just one mroe reason I hate them.

So anyway, round about the last week of June or the first week of July, don't ask about my plans. Don't ask me if I'm going to the fireworks. Because I won't be. Not because I'm scared, not because a traumatic fireworks experience has scarred me for life physically or emotionally, but just because I think they are kind of stupid. And I think they're a waste of time. And they're really loud. Stupid fireworks.

Bah. Humbug.

15 reasons why my husband is the best

2006-06-30T11:19:00.000-04:00

1. he is really funny
2. when he is wrong, he often says "i'm sorry."
3. he can only beat me in pool if he's had a few beers
4. he knows that i usually kick his butt at "scrabble," but he'll play it with me anyway, and then lose with grace
5. ditto for "othello"
6. he'll always make me a drink when i ask him to
7. he knows how and likes to plant flowers and plants
8. sometimes he surprises me with how he acts
9. he will do the dishes if i ask him to
10. he always does the trash without complaining
11. he loves kids, and he can always make a baby smile
12. he'll buy me starbucks
13. he is a good kisser
14. he always does his fair share (and more) of making sunday dinner for my whole family
15. he is very generous

+you decide+

2006-06-23T13:33:00.000-04:00

1. turn signal?

or

2. turn indicator?

the ONLY thing i miss

2006-06-22T08:55:00.000-04:00

I really miss my attached bathroom.

Having a huge house with beautiful wood floors, three porches of various kinds, a garage and a driveway, a finished attic, an enormous basement, new furnace and ac, 4 bedrooms and 2 and a half baths, and I miss my attached bathroom from our crummy, little, all-dingy-white, three room apartment. Seriously, though. There is no curtain on the window in the hall I have to cross from my new bathroom to my bedroom and I don't have a bathrobe. You get the (disturbing) picture. Every day I pray that the house next door has it's blinds shut again. And then I run.

of all places...

2006-06-20T08:59:00.000-04:00

So, yesterday was not a good day for me. It was Joel's moped night, so he was gone. And I am not going to unpack more boxes when I am cranky, tired, depressed, and in pain. So, I sat down to watch like 5 Baby Stories (thanks tivo!) and The Wedding Singer (again, tivo? all my love!). Meanwhile I ate a large bowl of Eggo waffle cereal and an ice cream sandwich (thanks Josh!). But that is not really part of this story. Going on.

One of our cats, Pseudo, has a hocking problem. We think he eats his food too fast and his stomach gets upset. Ugh. So, Julia's on tv spilling her guts to her mom in her crisis moment and I hear the telltale gurgles. Eww. Of course the cat is over THE ONLY RUG CURRENTLY SET UP IN THE HOUSE. So, I yell at him to get off, running wildly at him, and perhaps there was a little cursing. (Under my breath, of course...) Stupid cat jumps on a chair and lets it rip. Sigh...

Why is it that he ALWAYS has to find the ONLY carpet to hock on? It's a BRAND NEW jute rug. I can't throw this giant rug in the washer or anything. And I couldn't get all the wet mooshy pieces out of it. So, I had to drag it to the sink (I was in a VERY bad mood) and rinse it off.

And there it sits this morning. Because my absent at that time husband will be taking care of it.

ugly day

2006-06-15T10:29:00.000-04:00

I'm having an ugly day.
1. My outfit is SUPPOSED to be cute. It is not FEELING cute.
2. I have zits trying to make their way onto my forehead. Eww.
3. My newly cut hair is NOT behaving. Why can't you flip where I want you to?
4. I am feeling fat.

In addition:
1. I have a headache for some unknown reason.
2. I want coffee and probably will not get any.
3. Getting coffee would make me feel fatter.
4. I do not want to be at work today.

All these things make me feel ugly today. Ugh.

why?

2006-05-08T09:08:00.000-04:00

Why is it that whenever I go to buy underwear there is always an old lady looking at the same section - and possibly the same kind? Do I wear grannypants or something?

not doing well...

2006-04-18T15:20:00.000-04:00

We are buying a house. Seriously. It is FREAKING nuts. My whole body will not CALM DOWN. It is so much money. Ok. That's all I wanted to say. In fact, that is all I can say.

letter to clear my head

2006-04-13T14:25:00.000-04:00

Dear XXXXX

IFEVERYONETALKED...like this, perhaps i (BREATH) WOULDENJOYEDITING yoursound files utidon't. ITMIGHTBEHARD (BREATH) tochangeyourstylebut IDON'TREALLYENJOY you screaming in my ear.

love,

liz

observations on everyday life

2006-04-13T09:00:00.000-04:00

There is nothing like a barfing cat to kill an intimate moment.

bucky? really?

2006-03-22T10:46:00.000-05:00

Dear Bucky Covington,

I really enjoy watching American Idol. Unfortunately, I do not enjoy watching you. I'm sorry. I'm sure you're a great guy and everything, but I hope you go home tonight.

Love,
Liz

PS, please take Kevin Covais with you.

fat man walking

2006-03-22T10:40:00.000-05:00

Hormones, medications, and stress? That, my friends, is a recipe for disaster. Today at work I am reading a news story on the BBC website (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/4818036.stm) and I almost start crying.

Right.

I am reading about a fat man walking across the US. Yes, his story is inspiring. Yes, it is pretty cool. Is it “cry-worthy?” Apparently.

Depression medications do strange things to your body. I itch. I sweat. I feel nauseated. I am irritable. Add hormones to THAT mix. (stupid T.O. M.) Mix in a pinch of house-buying stress.

Sucker, you're goin' down!

Fat man walking across America? You've got my respect. You've also got my tears. Please keep them.

fo' free

2006-03-15T11:15:00.000-05:00

So, connections are good. Seriously. Buying a house with an old kitchen? Ask my dad, kitchen designer and licensed builder for design and installation help. Done.

Need beautiful wood shelves, chairs, entertainment center etc? Enlist the help of Joel's friend Reuben.

Need a cheap book? Call up my mom for 40% off at the Calvin Bookstore.

Need some kickin' cases for a new ipod nano? Ask brother in law Josh to work his magic. Unbelieveably, Josh has contacts all over the world due to his videoblog. One of these connections is a product tester. This product tester has offered Josh products that she is done testing, or that were sent to her for free. She is also VERY generous.

I got an ipod Nano for my birthday. Sweet 25! (NOT from the product tester) (Though she IS very generous) Unfortunately I don't have a case for the little treasure yet. Josh, in all his infinite "connection-ness?" writes his friend up and asks if she has any junk for a Nano. Lo and behold she does! So, this generous lady sent him (and by extension, me) this (of course in pink) and this (in purple) and this (in pink as well). So, now my Nano will not be naked. And that? Is fantastic.

the 411 on nanny 911

2005-03-21T22:29:00.000-05:00

Whoa - I totally did not expect to like this show. But, I believe I am starting to love it!

This is a FOX show (already warning sirens are blaring). Parents who cannot control their kids call in to Nanny Central. Nanny Central then dispatches a nanny - one of three (I think) - who specializes in the particulars of that family's problem. Then the nanny observes the family and gives them new rules to help the family communicate better, or work together, or cure separation anxieties. The nanny leaves the family after this week of intensive triaining.

From what I've seen of this show, it's pretty spot on. I've never seen a nanny give advice that I didn't agree with. They are really down to earth and seem really well trained for their jobs. Seriously. It's a pretty good show. Not appointment TV yet, but still worth the effort to watch!

addiction

2005-03-14T23:42:00.000-05:00

i'll just come right out and say it. i'm addicted to advice columns. seriously, i can't get enough. currently, i read three different columns. one published daily, one weekly, and the last sporadically. but if these columns were hourly, i would totally be there.

i'm not exactly sure where this addiction began. i do remember in fourth grade that i was assigned to read a column of "dear abby" for a class. i'm not sure WHAT was in the article anymore, but i do know that after that i tried to catch up on "dear abby" when my mom had the paper out after that.

throughout high school, on sundays, i picked out three main sections of the paper. the comics, parade, and flair. the only thing i read in the flair section? "dear abby." sometimes "dear heloise" caught my eye, but innovative ways to decorate a dog's collar or use plastic bags didn't interest me nearly as much as the woman who had two kids by a man who was cheating on her but couldn't decide what to do.

now that i'm hooked up to the internet 8 hours a day, and have a wandering mind and a procrastinating spirit, i make sure i catch up on my sites every day. "dear abby" is always my morning read. tomato nation isn't updated nearly as regularly. although, usually sars updates the site once every few days. this one is an especially great treat because i never know if the visit will be successful or not. when i see the new summary of the vine i get really excited. finally, "dear prudence" is only once a week. usually thursday morning. but sometimes, if i am lucky, i can catch it wednesday night before i leave work. i try not to check this one too often on wednesday nights though, because i save it for my thursday morning treat.

so, basically, i don't know what exactly is wrong with me, but i can't get enough. mostly i think it is just the "thrill" i get from this little invasion of people's lives. people live such different lives than me. people do weird things. and often, they have no idea how to get out of the situations they are trapped in.

so, for now, my addiction runs strong. and really, i hope i con't find any more of these sites that are easily accessible.

girlfriend's back and you're gonna be in trouble

2005-03-08T09:24:00.000-05:00

Michelle is back on 24! And in charge! Totally, as soon as they said that division was going to be involved I knew that Michelle was coming in to kick some butt.

She is one of the best characters on 24. And she and Tony are the best love-duo. It's too bad Tony had to go to prison last season because of a little silly treason. (Just kidding, don't send me to jail!) I loved last season's cast.

Speaking of other characters that need to come back . . . When is Chloe going to make her second appearance? One thing is for sure. I love, no, LOVE this show.

In other news. It's my birthday today. Pretty great. I get carrot cake. That is awesome. WAY awesome.

Sayonarra

and to think, i could have gone through life not ever knowing what that meant

2005-03-03T17:11:00.000-05:00

Well, here it is; the grossest post in history.

So, my sister went to Nigeria this week. Her friend has been working there for a number of months and she decided to go visit said friend. (a boy - ooooooo) She sent our family an email this morning to tell us a bit about her travels.

I guess she got a little sick. A little sick in the stomach. A little sick as in "where is that special bag on the airplane" sick. A little sick as in "if yer gonna spew, spew in this" sick. With no access to a bathroom (apparantly), and only a nalgene bottle to "keep her company," she let it all out. She delicately explained the situation:
"when joe came to find me i was seated next to my nalgene filled with emesis, it being the only thing i could find when the time came when i could not suppress it any longer"

Did you find the vocabulary word for the day? Emesis: an act or instance of vomiting.

So, eww. Thanks, Louise for that little lesson. Share-time is OVER for you.

am i the only one?

2005-02-25T15:21:00.000-05:00

Am I seriously the only one who saves the middle of the sandwich for the last bite? Today at lunch my coworkers just stared at me as I chewed a path around the crust of the sandwich and then made my way to the middle.

It's just a lot better I think, when one is able to enjoy the best part of the sandwich as the last bite. Think about it. The middle of the sandwich has the cheese, lettuce, tomato, bread, condiments, and meat. The edges just have the crunchy or hard crust and edges of everything else. Boo.

My way is WAY better.

more than just a bruised ego . . .

2005-02-24T09:07:00.000-05:00

OK. I just ruined my last remaining nice possession. STUPID!

I ruined my car. Well, not exactly so it isn't functional anymore, just so it looks like sh*t now.

Let me explain. My garage is about two feet wide. Yes, that is an exaggeration, but still, it barely leaves enough room for me to open the door of my car when I'm inside. Usually to get out of the driveway in the morning I have to cut the corner short and come within an inch of damaging my front right headlight to go down the driveway. (Not that that makes any difference now . . . ) And I am prevented from having a nice turn because my roommate is usually parked so as to make a nice little "hallway" for me to snake my way through. So this morning, since no one was in the offending spot I decided to do a nice WIDE turn.

*Good idea Liz.*

Well, it turns out that it wasn't a really good idea and I heard a soft crunching noise. When I turned to look back (mortified) I saw a nice bite out of the garage doorway. And I could only imagine what I had just done to my car.

I won't lie to you, some vulgarities were used. By me. Repeatedly. I checked my car and there were some nice long scratch marks and some nice brown "bruises" along the whole right side. Brilliant. Again with the vulgarities.

So anyway, I tried to determine if the "bruises" were extra paint added ON to my car, or if they were paint taken OFF from my car. But that is yet to be determined.

One thing is for certain though. I feel like a complete idiot and will probably beat myself up for this for a long time.

super heros? super sucky!!

2005-02-23T14:58:00.000-05:00

Can I just tell you how much I absolutely HATE that commercial for the VISA checkcard with all the super heros? You can see the commercial here. Now, the whole premise of the commercial is fine. And, honestly, it would have been a fine commercial except for ONE thing, or, actually, one line. Spiderman says "read my lips."

Let's just pause right there and let that sink in. ( . . . I hate that stupid commercial . . . )

You can't even SEE Spiderman's lips!! So WHY on God's green earth would he begin his line like that? The line is completely superfluous! Completely stupid and useless. The writers didn't even need to include it, and by including it just actually made themselves look stupid. Why can't Spiderman just say "Lady, listen up," or "Are you serious?" I mean, we're not in the Bush (1) era where the joke (so well played out by Dana Carvey on Saturday Night Live) is a slow nasally voice begging people to "read my lips, no new taxes." The "read my lips" line might have been a slight social commentary back then. Instead, here it is just a stupid line that ruins a commercial that could have at the least been acceptable.

So, in conclusion: that is a really dumb commercial and i turn the channel when I see it. Ew.

first time

2005-02-22T23:49:00.000-05:00

it's sad when i have to re-schedule a movie date with my boyfriend so i am able to catch american idol. now, in all fairness, the boys all sang last night, and i watched them. AND i VOTED! so, if i don't watch and vote for the girls, i'm really only doing HALF of my job. stupid american idol! sucking. me. in!

so, now i am torn. i really want to see "hotel rwanda," but there is not time to do both. and now boyfriend is confused that i need to be home. bummer. we'll see though, usually i get to watch my shows. (my shows. good grief) maybe we can go to the movie tomorrow. i don't need to see the results. i can just hear about them on television without pity. wednesday shows are all filler anyway . . .