29 November 2007

morning scene

[Scene as we are getting ready this morning in the bathroom.]

HIM: Whenever you use the blow dryer I envision the baby inside you going "Help! it's that big windstorm again!" [While waving hands above his head.]

ME: That's what you envision when I use the blow dryer?

HIM: Yeah, isn't that cute?

ME: Uhh... Yeah... That's cute...

18 August 2007

this is my garage right now.

This weekend is the Grand Rapids Ghost Riders' annual rally. As you can imagine, this is a VERY BIG DEAL in our house. Joel has been busy hosting people, leading people, getting food, praying that it doesn't rain, and participating in other captainly duties. He IS the Grand Rapids chapter Captain after all.

Part of these duties include:
- being really flighty
- having little regard for other people who happen to be living in the house
- lowering standards of cleanliness in the house
- making the house smell like gasoline
- leaving moped grease stains in the sink
- leaving empty PBR cans on our front porch in full view of the neighbors
and also, apparently,
- filling my garage with mopeds.


I'd also like to add that I did almost die while taking this picture. I took 5 pictures total, but at about the fourth picture I'm standing there in the dark alone in my driveway in the rain, focusing the camera when all of the sudden there is a person behind me. I inhaled in a most unflattering way with the most unflattering sound for about, let's say, approximately 5 whole minutes. After this the skinny little emo mopeder felt really bad, and apologized for being so quiet. But I just felt really stupid.

That's the moped rally so far. Only one more day. Only one more day... Only... one... more...

16 August 2007

yes friends, it's true. it's all true!

For the "iced grande americano, no water, extra ice, with room, 2 pumps white chocolate mocha" the oracle says:

The all-knowing Oracle of Starbucks

Behold the Oracle's wisdom:

Personality type: High Maintenance

You pride yourself on being assertive and direct; everyone else thinks you're bossy and arrogant. You're constantly running your mouth about topics that only you would find interesting. Your capacity for wasting other people's time is limitless. Your friends find you intolerable, that's why they're plotting to kill you.

Also drinks: Water. Bottled, chilled, with four ice cubes, a twist of lemon, in a crystal glass.
Can also be found at: Trendy martini bars


14 August 2007


Remember that one when at first you think Chakotay is back on earth and he's taking pictures at Star Fleet Academy, but then he goes back to the shuttle and you find out that he and Tuvok and Paris and Harry are on a mission? And Tuvok and Chakotay have taken one of the aliens impersonating a human at the fake Star Fleet Academy? And the alien kills himself to avoid detection, but the doctor can morph his body back into it's orginal alien shape? And you're all like "What alien would want to infiltrate Star Fleet Academy and annihilate humans?" And then you find out it's Species 8472!?!?! Even AFTER they've already been sent back to their home in fluidic space?

That is, like, the BEST episode!

10 August 2007

maybe it's because i'm not a parent

Maybe that's why I find this funny. Parents fill out an information/contact sheet for their children when they "enroll" in the week of VBS. At the bottom of one such sheet detailing instructions for "Ally," 3 years old (verbatim):

*Ally needs _2_ helpers when going to the "potty"!!

09 August 2007

for the fun of it?

It's that time of year again. That time of year where I put on a happy face. I brave the hot unbearable weather. I wear stupid costumes. I participate in dramas with such bad dialog that you might gag. I eat themed snacks. I donate a week's worth of nights to babysit other people's kids. That's right - Vacation Bible School.

This year, for the first time, I am leading games with my husband. Which... probably won't EVER happen EVER AGAIN. Aside from that... things are going pretty well. But, as always, there are stories to tell. There are some weird kids out there, let me tell you! Names have been changed to protect the... well, not innocent exactly... um... names have been changed so that no one will ever know it was them... and that I was writing about them... on the internets...

Monday: Um, nothing very noteworthy happens.

Tuesday: One of the cute preschoolers from last year has moved up into the older group. She was one of my favorites! Though, I don't remember her name. We are playing a dodgeball-type game involving newspaper snowballs. If a member of the opposing team catches the snowball, the player who threw it is out. An older girl is taunting the preschooler. I hear the older girl saying "Holly, throw it here! Throw it here Holly, I'll get you out!" I come to Holly's defense, finally knowing her name - and using it more than once or twice. "Holly, don't throw it to her, just throw it somewhere else!" I feel good about what I have done.

On Wednesday I listen closer to older girl. She has a speech impediment. She can't say her "R"'s. I also find out that the preschooler's name is Harley. So, that is why they were both looking at me so weirdly on Tuesday...

Wednesday: Amy decides she doesn't want to draw sidewalk-chalk sheep because she DOESN'T KNOW HOW. YOU DO IT! Uhh. OK. that is totally a different rant. But finally, I get her to participate (albeit with me drawing the thing). She tells me what to draw, I ask for description, and then I draw it. I think I have finally put her at ease. We finish the project and I ask her for a celebratory high-five, offering my hand out to her. She ponders the hand for a split second, grabs it, and licks it across the palm. That was gross. Finally, this session is over...

Also, I am the angel Gabriel in a short drama during story time. The kids have seen me previously in the week during game time, but most play along and are attentive during the drama. At the end of the drama, the leader says something like "Thanks for coming and talking to us Gabriel! Goodbye!" The kids play along with shouts of "Bye Gabriel!" or "Bye angel!". One little snottypants goes: "Bye Liz."

For the rest of the night kids come up to me and cock their heads. It takes them a second, but they finally figure it out. "You were the angel!" Uhh. Yeah. Thanks for the news... Funny kids.

Who knows what Thursday will bring?

01 August 2007

me and my brain

I am pretty sure that my brain, for whatever reason, has ceased to exist. And even if it's not completely gone, it certainly has gone to limited power. Or maybe it's on vacation. I can't think. I get lost easily. I can't ever remember what I was doing. I can't keep up with anything. As you might imagine, this keeps me from getting a lot of stuff done. It's like an eternal brain fart.

What is the cure for an eternal brain fart? (Much as I HATE that term.) Is it vacation? Is it relaxation? I seem to be relaxed enough. I've had some busy days recently, but nothing compared to that last semester of college when I was working, a full time student, in the play, dating my future husband, and still maintaining my 3.8 GPA.

Did my brain go on sabbatical? Maybe it sent my body a "Dear John" letter. "Dear Body, I just wasn't that into you anymore. I think we need a little break. Maybe I'll come back. Then again, maybe I won't. Sincerely, Brain." What if my brain NEVER COMES BACK?

Oh Brain, I miss you! Please come back! Remember all the great times we had together? Writing papers, thinking of excuses, participating in discussions with other people? Remember how we used to plan things out and do them? Those were great times. Let's get back to those times ok? Wherever you are, whatever you're doing right now, you should know that it can be right again! It's not the same without you. Just come home. I'm waiting for you...