buffet: fill your plate with the goodness!

people who are pissing me off today
People who drive 30 mph in a 35 mph zone, then slow down right before the street I need to turn down, but don't turn.
People who park like idiots.
People who start a job (like emptying the trash) and then do not finish it (like replacing the bag in the trash can).

how many mopeds does my dear husband own now?
4. That's right. He bought another one. But it was only fifty bucks! We do not even have room for these mopeds. Anyone need a moped?

VBS
So, this week I am leading the preschoolers at Vacation Bible School. Let me tell you, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I look at Last Week Me and cry for her future. Don't get me wrong. The kids are SO cute. Seriously. But they also are seriously NUTS.

First of all, I am not trained in any way to be any sort of teacher. I am a performer, but that only takes me so far. So, I have a loud voice, I guess is what I am trying to say. So, I am effective at TALKING to the kids, but not so much at wrangling them. Yes, I used the word WRANGLING. Because that is what you do with them. You do nto gather them, you WRANGLE them.

monday
This day was not so good. The heat was UNBEARABLE outside. But, luckily, we only had to endure this a few times, as preschoolers meet in the (mostly) cool basement. I had 8 kids and 3 helpers (one of which, herself, was almost unbearable...). I was pretty disorganized, but the kids were good. The most fun thing was that we started our own VBS tradition. When we are really antsy we get our wiggles out. We all stand up and do our assigned interpretive dance for the day. (Really) Then, just for good measure we shake our whole selves and get our wiggles out. Then I ask if everyone has their wiggles out yet. One (or all) kid(s) says "NOOOOOO" and then I say "Okay, ONE more time! let's get ALL our wiggles out!" And then we jump and wriggle around for another little bit. The kids LOVE this and we do it now, like, twice a day.

tuesday
This day went fantastically. I was super organized this time. I had spent about 2 hours preparing some sort of "lesson plan." The kids followed my directions and loved the story about David. They followed all of the directions. The weather was also hot as HELL this day.

wednesday
Another hot day. I should have known too that twisting my ankle (before VBS even STARTED) today was a bad omen. The window A/C unit in the basement was NOT ON. The basement was cooler than outside, but when the weather is approaching 100 and you are trying to be energetic and wrangle 10 little sweaty kids around VBS, that is not very comforting. I had sweat DRIPPING down my face. I CANNOT handle the heat AT ALL. Our first "station" today was games. But when we got there, another group showed up. So, we instead went downstairs to do our thing. Unfortunately, this was not in my plan, but I dealt with it. Things went pretty well until snack. That is where everything REALLY WENT WRONG.

Lydia didn't want to make a cookie. But, OK she would make one for her mommy.
Zachary had to go potty. "OK, Mr. Joel, will you take Zachary to the potty?" (ps, I HATE the word "potty") "Mr. Joel, why are you turning bright red?"
"Wait, where did five of the preschoolers go?"
"OK, Noah, you have to go potty too?"
"Molly, don't move! I'll get you some more lemonade."
"Oh my gosh, there is frosting EVERYWHERE."
"Someone needs to take these kids to wash up."
"Umm, ok, all the other groups have left now, snack time is over. Oh my gosh, no one is done eating their cookie yet..."

Finally, we get inside. We sit on our rug.

"Yes?"
"I have to go potty."
"Ok, Mrs. Starr, will you take her to go potty"
Six more little voices and hands go up
"I have to go potty too!" "Me too" "Me too!!" "I have to go potty!"
(Some unheard force encourages the preschoolers to SPREAD)
Inside Monologue: "Why? WHY????? What did I do to deserve this? Two more days. Two more days. I am never leading the preschoolers again. I am not a masochist."
"Ok, two people at a time will go to the potty. Zachary and Molly will you come back to the rug? Ok, every body sit down. Ok, everybody, (blah blah blah lesson talk)"
"Ok, you can go to the potty now."
"I have to go potty again!"
"I am starting the story whether everyone is back from the potty or NOT!"
I start the story...
"There's a bug!!!!"
Lydia gets up and assessess the bug. She decides that her shoe will more than take care of the problem.
calmly: "I'll get it." STOMP. GRIND.
"Uhhh. Thanks Lydia. Good Job, now please sit down."

After the story we pretty much did one little craft and then got our wiggles out, each time wrangling more and more kids b/c everyone would not stay together. I am a complete FAILURE as a preschool teacher. We all end up with scepters made out of pipecleaners, bells, and craft sticks held together with blue painter's tape. HA. Mr. Joel leads the kids jumping through hula hoops and walking around with giant steps, baby steps, spinny steps, and scooting steps. All our butts get dirty.

I am so glad to see them all go home. Two more days. Two more days....

i am a really busy person
I have had the SHORTEST months in history this summer. I am so busy. It was our 1st anniversay a week or two ago, so that weekend was shot. Our house is a disaster area. Last weekend we went to IKEA. We spent a crap load of money and outfitted our back sun porch. Unfortunatly, the weather has been so unbearable that we haven't been able to enjoy it. We take people out there to admire our decorating prowess and warn them before they go out there. "OK, this is what we bought, look at it through the window first. No, trust me, it's REALLY hot out there. Ok, now, I'll open the door, and we'll all go in for just a second and then we 'll come back inside..."

Last Sunday I had my mini break-down because I am going insane with NO relaxation. Our dishes are piling up, and there is no where to put them anymore. Thanks to my wonderful husband who cleans those up! (Hi honey!) And all my clothes (especially those I wear to VBS) are soaked and sweaty. Eww. So, I have to do laundry all the time...

Between now and next week Wednesday I have to drive up and down to Chicago and pack for being gone. I leave next Wednesday for the UK. Ugh. I can't wait for August 20. That is the day after I get back. That day I will sit on my butt. And I will not be moved. And I will watch TV. And I will eat ribs or ice cream or goat cheese and tomato spread or some such wonderful thing. And I WILL NOT BE MOVED.

That's it.