morning scene

[Scene as we are getting ready this morning in the bathroom.]

HIM: Whenever you use the blow dryer I envision the baby inside you going "Help! it's that big windstorm again!" [While waving hands above his head.]

ME: That's what you envision when I use the blow dryer?

HIM: Yeah, isn't that cute?

ME: Uhh... Yeah... That's cute...

this is my garage right now.

This weekend is the Grand Rapids Ghost Riders' annual rally. As you can imagine, this is a VERY BIG DEAL in our house. Joel has been busy hosting people, leading people, getting food, praying that it doesn't rain, and participating in other captainly duties. He IS the Grand Rapids chapter Captain after all.

Part of these duties include:
- being really flighty
- having little regard for other people who happen to be living in the house
- lowering standards of cleanliness in the house
- making the house smell like gasoline
- leaving moped grease stains in the sink
- leaving empty PBR cans on our front porch in full view of the neighbors
and also, apparently,
- filling my garage with mopeds.

Observe:

I'd also like to add that I did almost die while taking this picture. I took 5 pictures total, but at about the fourth picture I'm standing there in the dark alone in my driveway in the rain, focusing the camera when all of the sudden there is a person behind me. I inhaled in a most unflattering way with the most unflattering sound for about, let's say, approximately 5 whole minutes. After this the skinny little emo mopeder felt really bad, and apologized for being so quiet. But I just felt really stupid.

That's the moped rally so far. Only one more day. Only one more day... Only... one... more...

yes friends, it's true. it's all true!

For the "iced grande americano, no water, extra ice, with room, 2 pumps white chocolate mocha" the oracle says:


The all-knowing Oracle of Starbucks

Behold the Oracle's wisdom:

Personality type: High Maintenance

You pride yourself on being assertive and direct; everyone else thinks you're bossy and arrogant. You're constantly running your mouth about topics that only you would find interesting. Your capacity for wasting other people's time is limitless. Your friends find you intolerable, that's why they're plotting to kill you.

Also drinks: Water. Bottled, chilled, with four ice cubes, a twist of lemon, in a crystal glass.
Can also be found at: Trendy martini bars

*********************************
http://www.buttafly.com/starbucks/index.php

reruns

Remember that one when at first you think Chakotay is back on earth and he's taking pictures at Star Fleet Academy, but then he goes back to the shuttle and you find out that he and Tuvok and Paris and Harry are on a mission? And Tuvok and Chakotay have taken one of the aliens impersonating a human at the fake Star Fleet Academy? And the alien kills himself to avoid detection, but the doctor can morph his body back into it's orginal alien shape? And you're all like "What alien would want to infiltrate Star Fleet Academy and annihilate humans?" And then you find out it's Species 8472!?!?! Even AFTER they've already been sent back to their home in fluidic space?

That is, like, the BEST episode!

maybe it's because i'm not a parent

Maybe that's why I find this funny. Parents fill out an information/contact sheet for their children when they "enroll" in the week of VBS. At the bottom of one such sheet detailing instructions for "Ally," 3 years old (verbatim):

*Ally needs _2_ helpers when going to the "potty"!!

for the fun of it?

It's that time of year again. That time of year where I put on a happy face. I brave the hot unbearable weather. I wear stupid costumes. I participate in dramas with such bad dialog that you might gag. I eat themed snacks. I donate a week's worth of nights to babysit other people's kids. That's right - Vacation Bible School.

This year, for the first time, I am leading games with my husband. Which... probably won't EVER happen EVER AGAIN. Aside from that... things are going pretty well. But, as always, there are stories to tell. There are some weird kids out there, let me tell you! Names have been changed to protect the... well, not innocent exactly... um... names have been changed so that no one will ever know it was them... and that I was writing about them... on the internets...

Monday: Um, nothing very noteworthy happens.

Tuesday: One of the cute preschoolers from last year has moved up into the older group. She was one of my favorites! Though, I don't remember her name. We are playing a dodgeball-type game involving newspaper snowballs. If a member of the opposing team catches the snowball, the player who threw it is out. An older girl is taunting the preschooler. I hear the older girl saying "Holly, throw it here! Throw it here Holly, I'll get you out!" I come to Holly's defense, finally knowing her name - and using it more than once or twice. "Holly, don't throw it to her, just throw it somewhere else!" I feel good about what I have done.

On Wednesday I listen closer to older girl. She has a speech impediment. She can't say her "R"'s. I also find out that the preschooler's name is Harley. So, that is why they were both looking at me so weirdly on Tuesday...

Wednesday: Amy decides she doesn't want to draw sidewalk-chalk sheep because she DOESN'T KNOW HOW. YOU DO IT! Uhh. OK. that is totally a different rant. But finally, I get her to participate (albeit with me drawing the thing). She tells me what to draw, I ask for description, and then I draw it. I think I have finally put her at ease. We finish the project and I ask her for a celebratory high-five, offering my hand out to her. She ponders the hand for a split second, grabs it, and licks it across the palm. That was gross. Finally, this session is over...

Also, I am the angel Gabriel in a short drama during story time. The kids have seen me previously in the week during game time, but most play along and are attentive during the drama. At the end of the drama, the leader says something like "Thanks for coming and talking to us Gabriel! Goodbye!" The kids play along with shouts of "Bye Gabriel!" or "Bye angel!". One little snottypants goes: "Bye Liz."

For the rest of the night kids come up to me and cock their heads. It takes them a second, but they finally figure it out. "You were the angel!" Uhh. Yeah. Thanks for the news... Funny kids.

Who knows what Thursday will bring?

me and my brain

I am pretty sure that my brain, for whatever reason, has ceased to exist. And even if it's not completely gone, it certainly has gone to limited power. Or maybe it's on vacation. I can't think. I get lost easily. I can't ever remember what I was doing. I can't keep up with anything. As you might imagine, this keeps me from getting a lot of stuff done. It's like an eternal brain fart.

What is the cure for an eternal brain fart? (Much as I HATE that term.) Is it vacation? Is it relaxation? I seem to be relaxed enough. I've had some busy days recently, but nothing compared to that last semester of college when I was working, a full time student, in the play, dating my future husband, and still maintaining my 3.8 GPA.

Did my brain go on sabbatical? Maybe it sent my body a "Dear John" letter. "Dear Body, I just wasn't that into you anymore. I think we need a little break. Maybe I'll come back. Then again, maybe I won't. Sincerely, Brain." What if my brain NEVER COMES BACK?

Oh Brain, I miss you! Please come back! Remember all the great times we had together? Writing papers, thinking of excuses, participating in discussions with other people? Remember how we used to plan things out and do them? Those were great times. Let's get back to those times ok? Wherever you are, whatever you're doing right now, you should know that it can be right again! It's not the same without you. Just come home. I'm waiting for you...

experiment #1

This experiment was performed during the last week. The dates were not exact, but the time was sufficient to find solid and reliable results.

The subject of the experiment was my husband.

The experiment itself was fairly simple. The experiment was to ascertain the reaction of the subject in the normality of his day in accomplishment of a set, but unknown, task. The experiment aimed to answer two particular questions: Would the subject notice that the new toilet paper roll was not installed on the roller? In convergence of this thought, would he replace the empty roll with the roll currently being used?

The hypothesis stated a negative to both questions.

This experiment began by myself noticing that the toilet paper roll was empty, locating a new toilet paper roll, and placing new toilet paper roll on top of the empty toilet paper roller. From there, I observed the reactions of the subject of the experiment from a distance - usually after the fact. I observed that even days after the new toilet paper roll was placed on top of the empty toilet paper roller it remained un-replaced by the subject.

Observations also clearly showed that enough time had passed that the new toilet paper roll was now almost out of toilet paper. Soon, the new roll would fall through the empty toilet paper roller.

The experiment ended this morning when I told the subject of the experiment. Subject admitted that he was very lazy. Hypothesis confirmed. Subject replaced almost empty toilet paper roll onto toilet paper roller. It remains to be seen if experiment would be successful again. I hypothesize that experiment would show same results in two weeks as subject has very short memory.

Next experiment may include experimenter not replacing toilet paper roll at all but instead using hidden toilet paper and observing if subject even knows where toilet paper is stored in the house.

Ok, so apparently, this post will have no title... appropriate really. But what I would have called it is:
Um. I can't remember now. I got distracted.
(That's not the title. I seriously did just get really distracted.)

******

Sometimes when I am walking down the stairway at my work I get horrible visions. I usually go up there to refill my water glass. I have a straw in there too. Anyone ever seen that movie Pure Luck with Martin Short? There is a scene in there that has been etched into my mind for all eternity. Basically, in the movie Martin Short plays this guy who has continual bad luck - like everything always goes wrong with him. In one scene he is at dinner with Danny Glover and he goes to drink from his straw and instead of getting the straw in his mouth, he accidentally puts the straw right up his nose. And then the blood comes. It is really gross. But it was also a warning to me about how dangerous straws could be. Seriously, ever think about what might happen if you got one in the eye? One wrong move toward your glass and you're blind in your right eye.

Anyway. That was the backstory. In my vision earlier today I was walking down the stairs with my cup and straw in hand, thinking about how if I tripped on these obscenely uncomfortable tippy shoes I could get a straw right in the eye. Or in the neck. Pretty gross. I gave thanks when I got to the bottom of the stairs.

******

I am currently wondering:
...when I will get the skin of my youth back. In high school I had no blemishes. Seems unfair to me that now that I am out of that period of my life is when my skin finally caves. Now it's all zitty. (Did you catch that pun?)

******

Oh boy!

I just opened my tootsie pop and I got a whole Indian shooting a star!

timeline

8:20am Getting ready. Notice cat is sharpening claws on newly laundered pants laying on bed.
8:21am Yell at cat. Cat jumps off bed and runs just outside of bedroom door. Cat hocks enormous amount of food onto floor.
8:22am Yell at cat to stop eating own hock. Cat runs downstairs. Silently curse cat. Decide to clean up hock in a minute as am almost finished getting ready anyway.
8:23-8:26am Finish getting ready.
8:27am Walk past hock; notice other cat EATING first cat's hock.
8:27:30am Wonder to self why we even have cats.
8:28am Finally clean up half eaten cat hock.
8:32am Decide to share disgusting story on the internet.

[time passes]

1:45pm Share disgusting cat hock story on the internet.
1:48pm Press 'Publish' button and congratulate self for updating blog.

Heh.

not appreciated

Our attic is a nice room. It's bright and sunny - and well decorated if you ask me. The bathroom isn't quite up to par, but it's got some great windows and a nice (cheap-ass) shaggy rug. And for some unexplained reason our cats would spend their every waking minute up there if they could. I really don't get it. It's a nice room, like I said, but seriously, they CAN'T. GET. ENOUGH. OF. IT!

Yesterday Joel brought a guest up to see the progress we've been making up there. Usually this involves showing the guest up the stairs while the cats hear the door open from anywhere in the freaking house and RUN up there as fast as their little legs will carry them. Then when you're done, you shoo the cats downstairs, sometimes avoiding teeth and claws.

Pseudo, our 14lb muscle cat is normally pretty quiet. He'd prefer to just nuzzle you to knock you over with love. But when he wants something? He will NOT shut up about it. This morning he decided he wanted to go back up to the attic. So he stood at the attic door about 15 minutes before we were about to wake up and WHINED and WHINED and WHINED AND WHINED (etc.). It's a great room. But THAT great? Interrupt my sleep and risk death by tired owner great?

Ugh. Stupid cat.

brought back

We teach a one room Sunday School (so, all ages are included) at our church on Sunday mornings after the service. There are usually only 6 or 7 kids, so it's not a big group and when an extra one shows up it is kind of a big deal. Sunday, I think it was an even bigger deal - at least for me.

Sunday, one of our regular students brought in a friend, (let's call her) Jane. I vaguely recognized Jane from sight, but when I heard her name I instantly also remembered her.

Student: Mrs. Leo, this is Jane
Me: Oh, (pause) I remember you! I used to babysit for you!
Jane: Oh, really?
Me: Yeah, your mom used to go to this church right?
Jane: Yes.
Me: Um, cool, yeah, I know you.

It was pretty awkward. Mostly though, because I was babysitting her when I found out my grandma died. And I never really saw them again.

I remember that I had already put the kids (she has a little brother) to bed. I was sitting in their open, light-filled ground level room and the light was just starting to disappear. The phone rang. I didn't have a cell phone then, so it must have been their home phone. It was my dad, barely holding back tears. He just came out with it: grandma had died, I needed to find my way home.

The thing is, my grandma was perfectly healthy. We were to have visited her the night before, but we had 'more important' plans. The news was shocking, and I couldn't get my mind around it. I'm not sure if I gave my dad the parents' cell phone number to call or I did it myself, but they came home as soon as they could. I got in my car and began to cry, or sob actually.

The drive from Rockford to Grand Haven, usually about 45 minutes, was the longest I have ever taken. When I got to my grandma's house I found most of my local relatives and the pastor sitting in the living room - more silent than that house had ever been.

All of those memories came back to me in that slight pause when I saw Jane again. I didn't even know how to deal with them. I must have come off to her like a complete weirdo. But she did offer me, completely unintentionally, the opportunity to remember an important event that helped shape my life.

a smattering of thoughts on popular culture

(in no particular order)

1. I do not really like Beyonce'. and If I have to listen to that stupid piece of crap song 'Irreplaceable' just ONE more time, I will not be responsible for my actions. Really, I don't even KNOW any other Beyonce' songs, but she just bothers me. A lot.

2. Despite his horrendous hair, Sanjaya CAN sing. Sorry. It's true. I don't vote for him (so, put down those pitchforks and torches...) but remember his audition? That Stevie Wonder song he sang was awesome - he had amazing control. I just think he's too young to be in the competition. So, say what you want about Sanjaya's weird hair, clothing choice, hula skills, mannerisms, etc. You can hate him all you want for those. But honestly? He can sing. Antonella? No. Alaina? No. Season 3's Jasmine Trias who made it to the final three because Hawaii had, like, no one clogging the phone lines? No way. (Did you even WATCH season 3!?) And where was the hate for them? (See Sanjaya? Just fool Hawaii into voting for you and you will stay on a VERY long time.)

3. Kiefer Sutherland? You are so hot.

4. Nikki and Paolo, you are complete idiots. Seriously, what is 8 million dollar's worth of diamonds going to help on a deserted island? Although, it's not like there was much else to do than look for them. Go Karma!

friends

You know, I have some great internet friends. For example, I went into my email this morning and found that my friends were really looking out for me. For instance, this one from Angie & Horace. They want to know "Did Jeffrey buy from this site?" I sure hope not, he hasn't been allowed on the computer since the 'amazon incident.' Now I can check my records to make sure he hasn't done any harm.

Or take a look at this one from Milo Johnathon Bryant. He writes in the subject line "Lucinda wants you to check out this store." Thanks for passing on the message Milo! Lucinda ALWAYS knows where the best buys are!

Cobb Keri (love her!) wrote too! She asks 'Did Keven get this info?' I wonder if she means the info that his name is spelled totally stupidly. Because yes, I told him that yesterday.

Fred and Sherryl are my hook-up. They are also my coolest, most hip friends. They wrote 'Here is the site where I bought the pillz. I have been looking for this site EVERYWHERE! They are so cool.

My good friend Dale Horn wants to give me the hook-up too. 'I guess Randy likes this shop?' Well, Randy is a tool. So, I don't really care. But thanks for the tip!

Seriously, why would my Google filter place all these good friends in my spam box?

But all in all, it's great to know that when the world lets me down, I can always depend on my internet friends looking out for me.

quote

In the bathroom this morning getting ready to leave. Joel to Trouble, the cat.

"(As to a little baby) Truuuuuuble. Ok, make sure you don't sleep too much today. I love you. Be a good little kitty today. Byeeee....

[pause]

Bye Liz."


Kind of cute. But also kind of weird.

little lies i like to tell myself

Computer card games keep my mind sharp, so it's not wasting time to play these games PLENTY often. In fact, it is GOOD FOR ME.

eww - american idol edition

Can I just say it is so gross that Antonella 'Barbie' and Alaina Whatsherface are still on American Idol? They both SUCKED! It is this kind of thing that makes me sick about American Idol - just like Jasmine Trias. Just writing that name gave me the chills. Hawaii? You better not be messing up this year too.

i have found (and am eating) the PERFECT food.

Last night, after having cravings for it for weeks, I finally made my most favoritest food in the whole wide world: corn and black bean salsa. Oh man. That stuff is SO GOOD. Usually, I make an entire batch and eat it all by myself. I am not kidding. And I eat it PLAIN. I don't need no stinkin' tortilla chips for this stuff - it is perfect just the way it is! As I sat there eating it last night my husband had to keep telling me to calm down. And yes, he does know how much I love that stuff. And yes, I did say that already. And yes, he knows I love it. And yes, he knows it is really good plain. Yes, it's probably good with chips too. And you don't need anymore. And yes it is really delicious. And yes, it is pretty cool that you could make it tonight. And yes, he knows it's REALLY good. AND FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING GOOD STOP TALKING ABOUT THE CORN SALSA!

But when one stumbles upon food perfection, one should share one's recipe. And one will try not to force others to try said recipe. But one will REALLY recommend this recipe. Oh, will one. So without further ado, here is one's, I mean, my favorite recipe.

black bean and corn salsa

1 medium to large green pepper (diced fine - about corn niblet sized)
1 medium to large red pepper (you can really use any colored pepper you want (even two green peppers - but i like the color variation) (also diced fine)
about 1/4 of a small red onion (diced fine) (add more or less to taste)
about a 1/4 cup of fresh chopped cilantro (more or less to taste)
1 can (14oz?) black beans - drained and rinsed
1 can (14oz?) corn niblets - drained
the juice of 1 freshly squeezed lime (for best taste) (you can also use about two tablespoons reallime lime juice)
generous sprinkling of kosher salt - to taste

put diced peppers, onion, and cilantro into mixing bowl. add black beans and corn. mix. add lime juice and salt to taste. (see? super simple!!)

usually the tastes mix a bit better after the mixture sits in the fridge for about an hour - but i can never wait that long. serve cold by itself as a salad, on a salad, or on tortilla chips!

Ah. So beautiful.

these are my wishes

You know what would be really awesome? Zero calorie, zero fat Doritos. Or ZCZF oreos, snickers, starbucks, and maybe just for good measure.....everything else.

If I were a scientist, I might devote my life to the pursuit of this worthy goal. But alas, I am not. I only sit here and dream about food. Food I cannot have. Food I shouldn't have.

It is so unfair to be trying to lose weight - and with no instruction and so much yummy food in the world. Why can't my metabolism be what it was only a few years ago?

Seriously, though. ZERO calorie and ZERO fat Doritos? Right up there with space exploration, I say. Here's to dreaming!

currently....

BLOGGER SUCKS!

and I hate it.

Top of the muffin to you!

OH NO! I have a teeny tiny little muffin top today! Eww! Woe is me! Stupid jeans!

zip zap ... zop?

So, as you may have gleaned from a previous post, I am weaning off my anti-depressant. I've been completely off of it now for only a few days. This morning I woke up and got ready like normal - but felt REALLY weird. Like, everything i do, seems kind of like someone else is doing it. And I may be experiencing these. Although, the symptoms don't sound QUITE right, there is definitely SOMETHING off-kilter in my head. Like, when I move, there is a surge that goes through my whole body. Not exactly "electric" feeling or "zap-like," but more like .... umm ... definitely unexplainable. But I guess I'll never know since "they defy description for anyone who has not experienced them." So, yeah.

It's a little scary. But at the same time, kind of cool.

it's totally true...

you said it signbot!

marriage tip #14

Do not say this to your PMSing wife while she is weaning off her anti-depressants:

"Why can't you be like a normal wife; and when I say I want you to make me a sandwich, you just say: 'oh, he must really want a sandwich, I'll go make him a sandwich' and then go make me a sandwich?"

little things i can't stand

You know what I really can't stand?

Before I got engaged (and subsequently married) i never really wore rings. In high school I wore some occasionally, but nothing really consistently. I have been married for one and a half years now and I still hate wearing these rings - not because of what they stand for, obviously, but because they are so darn uncomfortable! And one of the main reasons they are so uncomfortable is that they are just kind of a trap around my finger! (What an appropriate feeling huh?) Normally, when I wash my hands I dry them thoroughly, dragging the paper towel down into each little finger-pit until there is no, or very little moisture left. But, under the rings! There is an elusive spot to dry! Every time I wash my hands and dry them, a few minutes later I have to pull my rings out of the way and work to dry there. It is SO annoying!

That is what I really can't stand!

addendum

...except Friday nights...

dry as a bone....

So, in honor of 'Leozinga' new years, a fun time had by all, and the excesses that manifested themselves... I think I will try a little something different. I think I'll spend the month of January dry. That is, as in no alcohol. So, no wine, no beloved vodka cranberry ginger ales, no long island iced teas or summery mohitos etc.

It's not that I overindulged to a terrible extent, but I can feel my body slugging away begging for health! I think my body just needs a break from poisons. Technically it needs a break from large amounts of fat and calories too, but I suck at controlling things like that. Alcohol though, I can control. And so, those empty calories will not be entering my body.

It will be hard I think, but not impossible. There is something different about not being ABLE to drink (because of something like allergy or pregnancy) versus CHOOSING to not drink.

That's my January goal. And now that I've written it, it will be much harder to maintain (with people knowing and all...). So, wish me luck. And, hopefully, I'll see you on the other side!